File this under "$h!t you can't make up"

We originally rented our condo in Dana Point from two guys, D and R, and made our rent checks payable to their company. About 6 months ago or so, D left a note asking us to make all future payments to him personally, which we did. We assumed they'd had a falling out of some sort and just hoped it didn't affect us.

When we emailed D this week to ask about the return of our deposit, we received the email below. My favorite parts are in bold . . .

Hi Jonathan, I was going to call you today about the deposit return. The woman that was going to take over the property was actually buying into it to take over R's old position that I was screwed into taking responsibility for because he started cashing the rent you sent and not paying the mortgage and not telling me that this was happening (he did it on a duplex we own as well). In addition to to that, he stole all the money out of the business account and moved to arizona, leaving all unpaid bills for business, making them my responsibility. Basically I got F@#%ED! He wound up in jail, then rehab and a mental institution. I had to get a restraining order against him back in December once his twisted homosexual obsession with me turned into death threats because I only like women. I know this is a crazy story, but it pertains to you because your deposit was amongst the funds stolen, I still have the [local business name] freaking out on me because I havent been able to pay them in full. I was expecting to get enough money to put loan status back to normal/return deposit/ and even pocket some. Obviously, I was grossly victimized by this person and the domino affect includes you; however, I am not going to just say go after R, in fact I am going to keep you from having to deal with him at all, it would be pointless anyway. You have no idea how shitty it is having to take responsibility for R's actions because Im an honest person that will continue business in the area for years to come. My plan was to send you half today and in 30-60 days when my income will be back in black after I have climbed out of hole I was pushed into, send the remainder. I am returning the entire deposit because you guys were awesome tenants, which is why I am so bummed you are involved in this. If you guys are pissed then I imagine you can sue me but wouldnt make to much sense because I am not arguing the amount owed, just time to get it is the issue. Thanks, D

Awesome. And by the way, when we met them, we were convinced that both D and R were gay (despite both of their assertions to the contrary). And D's proclamation that "I only like women" totally sounds like something a straight guy would say. Totally.